dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
