I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
