Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
