Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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