Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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