Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
do nipples grow back?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
