Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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