the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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