How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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