Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
