I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We got so high we made milksteak
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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