I puked a lego.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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