The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
