he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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