i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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