I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My balls are so social today.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
