My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
