My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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