if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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