You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's like heaven, but drunker
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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