ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize