I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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