allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sorry about my life...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
