At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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