I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
