The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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