I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize