I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
50% drunk capacity currently
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
