So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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