What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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