Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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