I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
