if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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