Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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