I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
