I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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