It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
