I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
