you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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