This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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