There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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