i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
