You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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