Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
