dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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