It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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