chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
