I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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