tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
