maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
