Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize