you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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