apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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