One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
