um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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