remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
