Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
