I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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