if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I believe in your delicious
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
