I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
